My Stupid Mouth..............

Even I am entitled to moments of weakness. Ideas sound so good at the time but hindsight always tells me i'm an idiot. sorry for that. bad idea. should have never brought it up or suggested it. not now. no way i could handle it. bad, bad idea. Sometimes i just shouldn't open my mouth or dial my fucking phone. 9 hours a day at work and all through the night is too much time for my head to be left to its own devices. Sorry I can't be a stronger person. what was I thinking. I guess i just wasn't. I guess i thought i needed some closure, something to make it easier. Its either i hurt now or hurt later. I think I'll choose now. fuck it, i got to fucking work in 45 fucking minutes. This sucks.......

Merry Xmas to all.....

Now that its christmas eve i feel like i can finally get into the christmas spirit. Considering that i've actually only bought 1 christmas present so far i think i better get moving. mad shopping tomorrow followed by some football and maybe some pong should do alot to get me in the holiday mood or at least give me something to do. Because it christmas time and at christmas you tell the truth i should tell all those that are in my life and those that aren't that you all help make me the person that i am and that without you all i don't have much. I love you all. Molly loves you all. Have a good christmas if i don't get to talk to you before then. Enjoy the time with the people you care about and i'll see you someday. Oh and Fuck you all, and fuck your mothers cause i know i did!!



.......and to all a good night

i was on your porch,
the smoke sank into my skin
so i came inside to be with you
and we talked all night,
about everything we could imagine
cause come the morning ill be gone
and as our eyes start to close
i turn to you and i let you know
that i..........

.......shouldn't post when i haven't slept. I may say something......

And the Goat plays on.........

I want to feel like that every day. I want to make someone feel that way. The happy that i feel after watching that is good. It makes you feel like that could actually be possible. Life seldom if ever imitates movie but theres always that chance. I need that. Whats it matter, its 2 am and i'm slap happy and felt like typing. I guess i can't fully convey what i'm talking about anyway. I guess i want just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her. I have been working on my british accent and its bloody rubbish. Fuck you all. Let the Burns begin.


ps. if your going to attempt some type of burn just remember that i had sex with your mom in a very uncomfortable plac(not the back of a volkswagon)

Whoopsie Daisies!!

It's amazing
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don't say a thing

The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
Try as they may
They can never define
What's been said
Between your
Heart and mine

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know
That you need me

You say it best
when you say nothing at all

Shootout...What the F

The one fucking wings game in the las two weeks that we didn't go to franks to watch and...... theres a fucking shootout. If i didn't have bad luck i'd have no luck at all. Dinner at the Claddaugh was real good though and the company was entertaining. Oh, and i got my first present of this holiday season. I gots some stuff to help with my nasty elbows, awesome. "It puts the scrub on its skin". Notting Hill and endless websurfing, can you think of a better way to spend a night. I love being nocturnal. (Awkward silence followed by elephant noise, which i must say have been especially good as of late)

Can't stop the Funk

I wish it was about george clinton or something but i just can't get out of this funk i'm in. You should hear the playlist i've been listening to. I didn't think it was bad but when pete heard what was on there he said it was kind of depressing. I guess he's right but it worked for the situation i guess. I'm going to change it to some more fun songs. Maybe some billy ocean, and some morris day and the mother fuckin time, and some cheezy 80's pop, and a little emo for good measure. If anyone has any suggestions please feel free. I definitely need some gordon lightfoot. My dog just pissed on my bed again. what the fuck!

Who's my HERO?

Like a 5 year old seeking the approval of his parents, I have patiently awaited this day. All is right with the world. I have been linked and it is good. I may even shed a little tear. Nope, it was just something in my eye but i still feel very honored to have even been considered. Time for some xmas movie and sleep, my nocturnality starts again tomorrow. Love actually is being my choice for tonight.

Fuck it, or don't, Whatever!

The only thing better than a drunk dial is.........

Me right now attempting to type. I wrote some stuff down just so that i would be able to remember what i wanted to say and i actually brought it home with me this time. I have to say that after five drinks i type real good. i'm in a zone right now. First of all I may have actually drunk dialed my sister. Who does that? Second, some girl took my reese's pieces from me before she even actually introduced herself. At that point she was dead to me. Real bush league that was. I also learned tonight that behind the secret door is another door and behind that door, not the secret garden that i was promised, was the back room. And my head was filled with such fantatstical ideas of what lay behind it that it was very anticlimatic to see some boxes. Some doors are just better off not being opened. the idea of them is better than whats really there. and C, I learned that the game is to not care about the game, that is the game. I can't even figure out what that means. I tried to find something to cut my ear off with but they wouln't give me anything. why u ask, cause i'm like fucking van gogh and shit. I drew the most beautiful landscape. I spent almost two hours on the shading of the upper peak. Molly calls, got to go. She misses you a lot. she wanted me to type that because she doesn't have fingers and therefore can't type. she just kind of "paws" at the keyboard. I am so awkward. I need to stop before i get real stupid. I am "Free Fallin"

I'll take 2 quarts of B- please

The first night of my nocturnality is going pretty well. I've had more enjoyable nights not sleeping but thats neither here nor there. First thing on my mind this evening is that at some point in my life i would actually like to use the movable armrest feature at ncg. Its genius really. It would save me a lot of time with my yawn, over the shoulder move. If nothing else i could take hero's advice and just put up a couple of armrests and use the seats as some form of couch and just lay down and watch my flick. I make absolutely no sense. Narnia was good. The bar was good. your mom was good. now i guess i have a couple hours of downtime to kill before work. Seeing as no one else is around at this hour i'll just talk to molly for a while. At least until she gets real bored and decides my socks are more interesting than me.

Who's the most beautiful girl in the whole world

Tonight I Dance

In honor of Shanny's 5 pt. endevor against the thrashers i shall now dance the irish jig.(If you could see me right now i'd be dancing a jig while my dog jumps around me and tries to hit me in my nuts) I guess she's a fan of the jig.

Sex is Easy, Love is Hard. Profound indeed

Just one double-click and i can't do it.
Just one push of a button and i can't do it.
I want to real bad but I know I can't do it.
Shit, Fuck, Shit!!!!!*

Think of me
Any way you want
I can be
The problem if that's easier
In your head
Move the pieces around
Things I said
Turn the memory upside down
And it makes it better I know
But sometimes it's hard to swallow

And in time I will fade away
In time I won't hear what you're saying
In time
But time takes time you know

*"Shit, Fuck, Shit": copyright 1995, jayson miller. any unauthorized us of this phrase is punishable by sex with originator of said phrase and believe me u won't shit right for a month.

Its 2 in the morning. I apologize to all that there was no late night drunk post last night. I had so many things to say that i had to write it down on a napkin at the bar but seeing as i left said napkin at the bar by the time i got home i had forgotten most of what i wanted to talk about. I do remember a few things so i will talk about them now. I need to get hobbies. I used the term miniscus while pouring rum into my diet coke and followed it up with a "theres some science for ya you fucking fuckers". Oh by the way all of you assholes that don't believe anyone uses the term contiguous to refer to the 48 states can kiss my sweet ass. And contrary to the rest of the worlds belief the Great War is not WWI but the deuce. You don't see them making movies or even ever talking about numero uno do ya. You know why. Cause nothing happened but some trench warfare. Hey if all you want is a guarantee i'll take a dump in this box and stamp a guarentee on it but all you'll have is a guaranteed piece of shit. Wait no, it has to be your bull. Anyway I would also like to thank my people for putting up with me last night. I tend to ramble and say lots of random shit when i've been drinking. It was really good to let loose a bit. It definitely lifted the spirits a bit. Plus the cookie monster was delicious. I would also like to let everyone know that i looked damn sexy at the bar tonight. The blazer and the faux hawk were a big hit. I should have taken a picture or something. I got hit on by some old chick wearing a cheetah. Seeing as she was obviously a fan of endangered animals i asked her if she had ever seen a cheeger in the wild. In case u don't know a cheeger is a cross between a cheetah and a tiger. It is the 4x4 of the animal kingdom. It is real fast and has retractable claws so it can climb real good too. Its pretty much my favorite animal. Like all of the other animals on Doc Moreau's island it is breeded for its skillz and magic. Its amazing how long one person can type about almost nothing in particular. I've talked for this long before but never tickled the keys for nearly this long unless you wanted to refer to my junk as "the keys". Does that make sense. Do I ever make sense. Oh sorry got to go, i got to take this call. Its the sandman, he says its time for sleepy. Football tomorrow at franks if anyones interested.

Its Friday and I ain't got shit to do..........

Tonight I drink.
I drink to faith.
I drink to magic.
I drink to someday.
I drink to #3.
I just hope somebody takes my phone.

(I can almost guarantee I end up making snow angels face first wearing only a man-thong. Who doesn't want to see that.)

These are The keys to my heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Laugh at this

For Ms. Barnard who could use a laugh desperately here are a few things u may find funny:
1. I tripped at work today and did the whole trip into a jog look back to see what made me trip thing.
2. My head is so big that i frighten small children
3. Molly took another whiz on my bed last night
4. I could pull my pants down. that would be funny for you, awkward for me yes but funny none the less.
5. See ryhme at the end of number four
6. I could stop by and you could kick me in the nuts. that would be funny
7. I work at the Homo Depot.
8. I can post the picture of me wearing the man-thong
9. Think of a condor in a wetsuit wearing a backpack made of a leprechaun that continuously spews lucky Charms.
10. a rabbi, a priest, and your mom go into a bar.....................................and your mom says rectum, damn near killed'm!!!!

thats all i got for now, i hope it helps

All I want for Xmas is............

11. To tell the truth(because its christmas and at christmas you tell the truth)
10. Van Gogh's "Olive Trees"
9. A Brithish Accent
8. Elisha Cuthbert
7. "Real Genius" on DVD
6. Mp3's- Gordon lightfoot(sundown, edmund), Rolling Stones(U can't always get what u want), David Gray(all of it), Temptations(just my imagination), and anything else that people think i should listen to.
5. Socks & Underwear
4. Grampa Sweaters
3. Some ingenius device, probably from QVC, that can shut off my thoughts when I want it to..
2. A new Job. If anyone has any ideas please let me know(contrary to popular belief, manwhoring is not a profitable indevor for me so please do not bother to suggest it. I tried It and the women weren't impressed with my skillz. I had to resort to giving it away for free and no one wants that either so i'm pretty much SOL. The magic is gone)
1b. A Cloak
1a. A Girl. At this point i'm not going to be picky so pretty much anyone interested in me will do. I don't even care if they have an eye patch, one leg, or a birthmark on there cheek that looks remarkably like the edmund fitzgerald. So people go forth and find me a chubby chaser that likes big heads, stupid jokes, and puppies. Make sure u tell them i have a puppy. Though it hasn't worked for me in the past I feel that it is still a big selling point for me so use it. Good luck with this one. maybe you will have more luck than i have had. This present would be better than the G.I. Joe Aircraft carrier that I got in 3rd grade.

Other than that I would like a red ryder bee-bee gun, aMogwai, a new swimming pool, some stationary(I'm short on staplers), something pretty, a miracle, a subscription to the jam of the month club, and I'm sure there's something else that I'm forgetting so u think of it.

Fortune hunting

My search for my fortune continues.......
Friday we got some chinese for lunch and I decided to tempt fate again and get me some cookie. One fortune is ok, two even better, but 15 is perfect (plus i couldn't actually eat any more cookies). My fortunes are as follows:
-Ignorance never settles a question
-A good time to start something new(2)(your damn right it is, I fear change)
-You are going to have a very comfortable old age(I hope so)
-Luck is coming your way(If I didn't have bad luck i'd have no luck at all)
-You will travel far and wide, both for pleasure and business(sounds good)
-Ancient sites beckon you to hit the road soon(3)(promising)
-You are careful and systematic in your business arrangements(bullshit)
-You will be unusually successful in business(don't care)
-You will do well to expand your business(what business?)
-You have a natural grace and great consideration of others(No shit)
-You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems(bullshit)
-Magic time is created when an unconventional person comes to stay(few people have ever
seen magic time but this is by far the truest fortune i've gotten. Its not really a fortune but i
thought it was cool)

all in all not a bad batch of fortunes. I have decided though that I'm going to make my own fortunes. Fuck the fascist fortune cookie making sons of bitch's. I do like their cookies but that piece of papers matters to me no longer.

As Fortune would have it.....

I have some chinese for dinner and at the end of the meal i get a fortune cookie. I really like fortune cookies. As I crack it open to see what bit of wisdom these cookie people are going to drop on me this is what it says. "You will be successful someday". Well thank u very fucking much. Someday, when the fuck is someday. I need answers u smug, philosiphizing bastards. Even if i put the usual "in bed" at the end of it it doesn't help cause that someday has already happened years ago and is still happening today. I am a virtual casanova with the ladies (or maybe the only way i get ladies is virtual). I'm not going to brag but a slow, soft kiss goes along way. Sorry kids no more secrets today as I have to keep some bit of mystery about myself. I shall now retire to my nerdery and figure out how to type real fast.

You know what andy likes. when people actually leave comments. i need some feedback on my pictures. If u like say so and if you don't say so. i just need some honesty. Give a brother a break. Also I can't get that F'ing song from rent out of my head. anyone have any ideas for a new song i can torture my brain with?

Pic of the Week

Follow Your own Path

And the search continues..........For what u ask? THE STORY!!!!!!
In the meantime i guess i'll just work on myself and believe me I gots lots to work on. My belly, my job, my self esteem, my life to name just a few. And so it begins...............

The Goblet Is on Fire

Yesterday was a good day. I had a flat tire that i had to fix in the freezing cold. then my car battery was dead and luckly somebody had jumper cables. then i it took two hours to get new tires on my car. But I did have a solid open faced roast beef sandwich smothered in gravy, and i did get plenty of assistance with changing the tire, and i did get to play some guitar and listen to some piano. Good times! Then only downside of yesterday was the five hour sleep that ended up being a two hour nap. But I guess i can sleep when i'm dead. And then comes the peak of the festivities, the Potter. It was "real" sweet. It was everything i thought it would be and some. There were a few things i thought they could have done better but i'll wait to discuss those when everyone has seen it. Spoiler: If you haven't seen it, the Diggory dies. I swear i amlost heard a sob from pete when he met his on screen demise.

Good day
I said Good Day!

"It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them"
-George Eliot

I Love the fall

This falls into the places I like Category. Its not a very good shot but i wanted to capture the place more than make it look good.

Heres your post

SHE MAKES ME SMILE OUT LOUD.

Molly

Hi my name is Molly. I'm real cute.

A Gate, A Gate can't stop me

Brilliant idea of the day. The puppy needs more room to play when i'm at work so i thought i'd get her a gate so she can hang out in the kitchen while i'm at work. we bought the gate today and decided to test it out while we went to dinner. I got back from dinner to find her waiting patiently at the front door for me to come home. Then i noticed the aftermath of hurricane molly. There were papers everywhere, all the plugs were out of the wall, and all she could give me was a "its about damn time u got home. I've been doing some redecorating while u where away" look and i couldn't do anything but laugh.

Who's your daddy?

I am.

Take a gander at my pretty little girl. (Actually, this isn't really her. I've been too busy to post anything about her yet, and if I even have any pictures of her yet this isn't one of them. This is one that someone found on the internet that looks kinda like her. And truth be told, I'm not taking the time to post even this much about her either. Someone, prolly the same someone who found the pic, thought I might want to get a little notice out to the gang about my new family. Oh, and by the way, last someone knew... I think I'm going to call her Molly.)

Not a shot in Hell

I actually thought he had a chance until he slammed into me. Both of us walked away with only minor injuries and a little bit less dignity. The slip n' slide i'm sorry to say did not make it. So if you would please observe a moment of silence to reflect on those we've lost this year while attempting incredibly stupid stunts. You will be missed.

Who's an Idiot

The premise was simple. The planning was flawless. The execution hurt real bad. In a stunt out of the record books jayson decided that he would risk his own well being and launch himself over a large stationary object (since no one else would do it said object was me) and land on his feet. Did he complete the jump? Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of Who's and Idiot.

Fat Guy III (Dirty Fat Guy)

Just thought everyone might want to see what i fat kid looks like after rolling in the mud. notice the fauxhawk still looks good. I guess its hard to see but if i make the picture much bigger I start to look real big.

(disclaimer: prolonged viewing of this photo may lead to headache, nauseau, cramps, profuse bleeding from the eyes, or extreme sexual arousal. If the later of asformentioned side effects occurs and you are of the female persuasion please feel free to call me at any time.)

Fat Guy's part deux

Meow I told you I was agile like a jungle cat

Come party with me

shake it, shake it
like its my birthday
shake it, shake it
yeah its my birthday



break!

Fat Guys on a Slip n' Slide

I guess when they say 80 Lbs. max they mean it. We got a solid hour of sliding but in the end it just couldn't take the abuse. More pictures are available upon request. Due to the graphic nature of said photos they cannot be posted at this time (mostly because they include my ass).

Hobos

"should i just keep smilin or are we going to talk business" says the man in the high heeled shoes

Introductions and Ice Breakers

Life is nothing more than a series of stories. When your old and gray the only thing you'll have to look back on are those stories. Whether its getting a free bat after the game, getting to partake in your first 7th inning stretch, or realizing how good an old ball glove can smell, those are the things that make life important. Those are the things I want to remember. Go make your own stories and we'll talk about it in 50 years.